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Fetal Attraction

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Fetal Attraction
Season 3, Episode 10, Overall 28
Randall Hates the Baby
Written by Nora Nolan
Directed by Mike Disa
First Aired: March 12, 2021
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Fetal Attraction is the tenth episode of Season 3 of Paradise PD. It is the twenty-eighth episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

Dr. Funtlichter shows Randall and Karen a sonogram of their upcoming baby. Clappers goes in disguise and joins Paradise P.D. so that he can trick Fitz into peeing in Pee Wee Herman's mouth.

Plot[]

Agent Clappers introduces Phase 3 of his plan to defeat Gerald Fitzgerald but at this point, Clovis and the mutants are getting sick of the overcomplicated plans and just want to go ahead and kill him already. Clappers quenches the mutiny and tells them to be patient because this plan won't be overcomplicated at all. Phase 3 of the downfall of Fitz is to have Clappers join Paradise PD and get partnered up with Fitz and feed him a bunch of water. Meanwhile, the mutants will hire Pee Wee Herman to come on down to Paradise to record a live commercial in the Super Seedy Motel, where he will sing the alphabet. One of the mutants will place a false distress call to Fitz, calling him into the Super Seedy Motel right after he drinks a bunch of water. When Fitz gets in there, some robot arms are going to grab him by the arms and legs and unzip his fly and then put his hand in some warm water, making him pee in Pee Wee Herman's mouth just as Herman sings "O" in the alphabet song. After the entire American viewing audience witnesses Fitz pee in the mouth of their beloved childhood icon, he will become the most despised figure in the world and his life will officially be ruined. Clovis thinks this idea is absolutely r******* since there's no possible way they could make this happen but Agent Clappers tells him to just go with it because "It's a cartoon".

At the Paradise Police Department, Dusty apologizes to Bullet for eating his ass and Bullet forgives him by giving him some brownies to show that there are no hard feelings. Little does Dusty know, this is a trap as the brownies are laced with marijuana, which gets him stoned out of his mind.

Gina can't wait to see Kevin and the D&D group again for another LARP sess, after work and punches Kevin in the cock with brass knuckles for a level 5 cock crush. Kevin later asks Randall for some girl advice on how to take things to the next level with Gina. Randall says that the right thing to do would be to ask her parents for their blessing to go out with her as that's what he did when he started dating Karen. In fact, he still asks Mr. Culpepper for permission to do specific sexual acts with her before fucking her. Hopson tells the story of the first cock crush he ever had, which was with McHale's Navy actor, Ernest Borgnine. To this day, Hopson still makes tea in Borgnine's underpants. Kevin says that he's gotten every other obstacle out of the way for dating Gina, including Nanook and Atanarjuat, who he accidentally deported back home, after getting them the wrong kind of ice. Randall tells Kevin that because he has no redeeming qualities, he's going to have to lie about himself to get on the good side of Gina's parents.

Agent Clappers applies for a job at Paradise PD in disguise as a guy named Officer Clippers, just wearing a fake mustache. Due to a plothole in his fabricated backstory, Randall sees that he's a liar and rejects him from the team, as there is no such town as Bullshitsberg, North Dakota. Instantly after leaving, Agent Clappers comes back in disguise as a guy named Officer Cloppers, who just has a slightly different fake mustache and he says that he comes from Bullshitsberg, South Dakota, which Randall believes. Randall pairs up Cloppers with Gerald simply because they're both black.

In the car, Cloppers and Fitz have a conversation about 80's basketball and they seem to get along very well. Cloppers and Fitz seem to have a lot more in common than they think, when they have the same interests in sports and even music. Both of their favorite songs are the Mortal Kombat theme song, Celine Dion, and Michael Bublé playing over each other at the same time, which they both listen to, making for some loud obnoxious noise that they both rock out to as though it was good music.

At home, Dusty eats his pot brownies and gets crazy high. He calls 911 for help, not knowing at all what's happening. Dusty says that he can hear colors and see sounds, he forgot how to shit, and that he measured his buttcrack three times and it got longer each time. The emergency hotline guy asks Dusty if he took any substances and Dusty says that all he ate were some brownies he got from a drug addict. The hotline guy instructs him to stop eating those brownies but Dusty ignores him and hangs up to eat more brownies.

Randall and Karen go to the Paradise Hospital to check on their upcoming baby. When Randall listens to Karen's belly, the baby kicks him in the head ... hard. Dr. Funtlichter shows an x-ray video of the baby and they can see their little fetus child floating in the water. The fetus antagonizes Randall by giving him the stink eye and flipping him off through this x-ray and Randall is the only one who notices. He tries to get Karen and Dr. Funtlichter to see it but the baby acts all innocent whenever they look. The last straw is when the fetus sticks his middle finger through Karen's vagina to insult Randall, making the latter get so mad that he shoves his hand into Karen's vagina to try and attack it. Karen gets mad at Randall for behaving so innapropriately and Dr. Funtlichter gets Randall's hand out of there to examine the specimen.

Kevin goes down to The Jabowski House to meet with Gina's family and get their approval to date their oldest daughter. He brings the family a bouquet of flowers, which Granny assumes is salad and eats. Kevin asks Mr. Jabowski for permission to date Gina and Bo inaudibly grumbles what Mr. Jabowski translates as the standards Jabowskis have for breeding. The Jabowski family only breeds with the best of the best as they don't want any weakling blood in their family. Kevin proves his strength with some clearly fake videos of himself doing a bunch of awesome things. Mr. Jabowski admires what he sees but after hearing that he's the son of the head of police and the mayor of Paradise, he sees potential to get lots of money from his family so he knocks him out cold and holds him for ransom.

Karen gets ready for sex with Randall but Randall is afraid to put it in there because of the evil fetus. Karen makes him do it anyway and Randall sticks his penis in her vagina, only for the fetus to yank on it and jerk him around and then eventually snap his fully erect penis in half.

Mr. Jabowski calls up Randall to tell them about how they've kidnapped Kevin and are now holding him for ransom. However, Randall has recently been hospitalized and all he cares about is his broken dick so he does nothing about it. He does, however, tell Gina about it and Gina is determined to go down to fight her evil family and save Kevin.

Gina breaks into her childhood home and demands his family set Kevin free. Mrs. Jabowski tells her that the only reason they've kidnapped Kevin is because Mr. Jabowski is dying and needs the money for kidney surgery. This convinces Gina to go to the basement and tie up Kevin in chains and help them with the hostage situation. She lets Kevin know exactly why she's doing this and doesn't like torturing him anymore than he does and wants to make her torture as painless for him as possible, while still being effective enough to help her family. Gina even takes out pliers and asks him which toe he wants removed. Kevin says that he'd prefer she remove his sixth toe but just to not remove his seventh, as that one is his favorite.

After playing a game of exposed-balls basketball with Fitz, Agent Clappers comes down to the Super Seedy Motel, where Clovis says that he's been trying to get a hold of him for hours. As Arm Head explains the plan, Agent Clappers gets distracted with watching a Mike Tyson deep fake that Fitz sent him. The mutants worry that Clappers is getting too attached to Fitz but Clappers demands them to not question his method.

To avoid another interaction with the fetus, Randall sleeps on the couch, while Karen sleeps in her bed. That night, the fetus still manages to crawl out of Karen's vagina and go over to Randall's couch, where he beats the shit out of him and smashes his already injured dick. Randall chases the fetus back with a baseball bat but he pops back into Karen's pussy before he can whack him, making him look like a crazy person in front of Karen again. Just then, Randall gets an annoying phone call from Mr. Jabowski, saying that he's holding Kevin for ransom and has already started mutilating him. Randall doesn't give a shit until he sees that Gina is present. Mr. Jabowski notices that Gina would make a much better hostage than Kevin and knocks her out cold.

Gina wakes up the basement, tied up with Kevin and begins to question if her dad is really dying. Mr. Jabowski says that he made the whole thing up and just wants tons of money for the sake of it. He does, however, say that Granny needs a new pancreas but he doesn't really give a crap about that and then leaves. Gina tears of Kevin's other toe and uses it to pick the locks to the chains. Cooter comes in to stop them but Gina distracts him with his ass crayons, using them to lure him over to the wall like a bull so he can ram into it, making a hole for them to escape through.

Pee Wee Herman comes down to the Super Seedy Motel to shoot the commercial. Meanwhile, outside, Agent Clappers and Gerald Fitzgerald have a conversation. Fitz drinks a bunch of Big Gulp water that Clappers bought him and says that he's gunna have to piss like a racehorse later. Out of curiosity, Fitz asks about Clappers' family and Clappers explains that due to the nuclear explosion, his balls have shrunk and out of shame, he went into hiding and faked his own death. He's not going to see his family anymore. Fitz tells Clappers that if his family really loves him, they'll accept him even with his shrunken balls. This strikes a nerve with Clappers and makes him want to back out of betraying Fitz. However, Fitz gets the emergency call, alerting him into the Super Seedy Motel and Clappers runs after him to stop him. When Fitz enters the building, Clappers shoves him out of the way and throws himself into the trap instead. Just as planned, the robot arms strap him down, whip his dick out, put his hand in some warm water, and make him pee into Pee Wee Herman's "O" shaped mouth on public television.

Dusty calls 911 again and tells them that there's an evil stoned fat guy in his house who looks just like him. The 911 operator tells him that he's standing in front of a copycat killer. Copycat killers copy everything their victims do so he urges him to kill himself so he can defeat the copycat killer. Dusty jumps out the window and smashes his head to a pool of blood on the road. It turns out that the 911 operator is actually Bullet, who was getting revenge on Dusty.

Randall waits outside of Karen's vagina with a shotgun preparing to kill the fetus, when he comes out. However, he waits so long that he falls asleep. When he awakens, he finds himself hanging from the umbilical cord of the fetus, which he has hung over the ceiling fan, ready to kill Randall. Randall begs to know why the fetus is doing this to him and the fetus says that he's doing this as revenge for him murdering his brothers and sisters with a bullet and destroying all of Spermtropolis. Randall tells the fetus that he wasn't the one who shot himself in the balls. It's Kevin he's after. The fetus realizes his mistake and sets Randall down peacefully apologizing humbly for the misplaced retribution. Randall is quick to forgive him and tells him that while they've buried the hatchet, how 'bout they watch some movies. Randall and the fetus watch all of Quentin Tarantino movies and Randall keeps the fetus hydrated with beer. When the morning approaches, the fetus tells Randall that he's gunna have to go back into his womb and that he can't wait to see him again when he's born. The fetus slides back up Karen's pussy and Randall says that he's not such a bad guy after all.

In the womb, the fetus has a photo of his new target on the wall, among a bunch of carvings that wish death upon him. The fetus does push ups and gets into shape, planning to kill Kevin when he's born.

Kevin and Gina run through the woods of Bumfuque, as The Jabowskis chase them down. Mr. Jabowski has Cooter give him some gunpowder, which he uses to stuff a few squirrels and use them as a bombs to attack Kevin and Gina but the duo dodge all the attacks. During this chase from the Jabowskis, Kevin and Gina run through obstacle courses and alligator infested waters, where Kevin gets the shit beaten out of him, while Gina saves his ass and carries him to safety. Eventually, they get surrounded by The Jabowskis. Gina gives Kevin the easy job of handling the baby, while she takes on everyone else. Gina successfully creams everyone else in battle, while the baby reveals that her passy doubles as a dagger and stabs Kevin silly with it. Mr. Jabowski eventually calls off the fight and says that he's no longer battling with Kevin and Gina. Mr. Jabowski reveals that he didn't want Kevin to date his daughter because he thought his epic genes would trump Gina's and dominate the future generations of the Jabowski family but now that he sees how big of a pussy Kevin is, he now gives his blessing. Upon hearing that Kevin tried to ask her out, Gina initially appears appalled only to exhibit genuine love for Kevin. Gina calls up Randall to ask for his blessing to date his son and Randall accepts, assuming she was talking about his unborn second child.

Agent Clappers goes back home to see his family again, after hearing this inspiration from Fitz and when he comes home, his family is overjoyed to see their long lost father and husband return. However, when Clappers reveals that his balls have shrunken in the nuclear explosion, the family falls apart. Mrs. Clappers screams and cries and demands that Clappers leave her presence and never return. Clappers' Daughter doesn't even recognize who he is anymore and Clappers' Son vomits all over their pet dog, Fluffy, who commits suicide by blowing his bloody brains out. Mrs. Clappers shuns her husband from the family and Agent Clappers runs out into the front yard, where he gets down on his knees and calls out in rage and misery that "I WILL GET YOU, GERALD FITZGERALD!", indicating that he has gone back to hating Fitz again. Just as he damns Fitz, Fitz drives by in his police car, listening to that damn Mortal Kombat/Celine Dion/Michael Bublé music again.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Trivia[]

  • Randall asks Karen's dad, Mr. Culpepper for permission every time he has sex with her.
  • Agent Clappers is a fan of 1980's basketball.
  • Gerald Fitzgerald and Agent Clappers' favorite song is the Mortal Kombat theme song, and two unspecified songs by Michael Bublé and Celine Dion playing at the same time.
  • Randall and Karen's currently unborn baby makes its first on-screen appearance, when Dr. Funtlichter provides an x-ray video of Karen's womb.
  • When first buying their house, Randall bribed his realtor to claim that in order to finalize the sail, he must perform anal on Karen as a scheme to trick his wife into letting him do anal. Unsurprisingly, Karen didn't buy it and he still didn't get that assfuck.
  • Randall steals his neighbor's electricity.
  • Mrs. Jabowski reads Gun-Ho magazines.
  • Kevin has seven toes on his right foot. The seventh of which is a very rancid, jagged, and hideously mutilated toe that grows off his sesamoid area. His two superfluous toes are violently removed in this episode, setting his foot back to normal.
  • Bullet puts in his two weeks notice with Randall.
  • Granny Jabowski has pancreatic cancer.
  • Kevin finally asks out Gina and she accepts, officially making them a couple.
  • Agent Clappers returns to his family for the first time, since the nuking of Paradise. However, they want nothing to do with him because of his tiny testicles.
  • Baby Clappers is inexplicably absent in this episode.

Continuity[]

Cultural References[]

Gallery[]

See: Fetal Attraction/Gallery

See Also[]

Episodes

Season 1

Welcome to Paradise • Ass on the Line • Black & Blue • Karla • Dungeons & Dragnet • Meet the Jabowskis • Police Academy • Task Force • Parent Trap • Christmas in Paradise

Season 2

Paradise Found • Big Ball Energy • Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k • Who Ate Wally's Waffles? • The Father, The Son, and The Post-It Note • Flip the Vote • Paradise PD Meets Brickleberry • Operation DD

Season 3

Fallout • Top Cops • Ice Ice Babies • Trigger Warnings • Showdown at the O-bese Corral • How the Cookie Crumbles • Blind Drunk • Blimp City • The World According to LARP • Fetal Attraction • What Happens in Twatemala • PARAD-ISIS

Season 4

The Brozone Lair • Diddy's Home • A Star is Porn • Good Jeans • The Shartist • The Butt Cut • Boat! • King of the Norf • Sack to the Future • The Eternal Reckoning

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