18-year-old Kevin Crawford becomes a cop at Paradise Police Department, much to the disapproval of his father, Chief Randall, who's still pretty steamed at his Kevin for shooting him in the testicles, when he was a child.
- Kevin Crawford - The ambitious, but buffoonish 18-year-old officer-in-training, who wants to follow in his father's crime-stomping footsteps and become a cop. Unfortunately, Kevin's incompetence, fatuousness, and history of shooting his dad in the testicles, his dad strongly opposes his dreams.
- Randall Crawford - Kevin's obstreperous and ireful father and iron-handed chief of Paradise PD. His life has gone down the shitter, ever since he burst his balls, as it decreased his masculinity and, according to him, made him lose his wife. Karen's real reason for leaving him, was because he was a stubborn, misogynistic, piece of shit asshole, but being as stubborn as he is, he'd never admit to that.
- Bullet - The drug-addicted drug dog, with an obsession for not only every drug in the book, but also alcohol and sex. Bullet is laid-back, party-obsessed, and simply doesn't give a fuck about anything. Bullet slacks off at his job, he's atheistic, and despite being a dog, he's very horny for humans.
- Gina Jabowski - The gristly, domineering sole female of the team, who loves busting criminals a bit too much, as she pounds the living shit out of every minor felon-causer she can get her burly, veiny fists on. Gina can't control her sexual urges and repeatedly harasses Dusty, because he taps into her fat fetish.
- Dusty Marlowe - A fat, annoying retard, who acts like a five-year-old. At the cost of being the whiny, quivering pussy of a female toddler, Dusty brings an air of innocence and joy to the rugged, violent police force of Paradise PD. Despite the horrific experiences he goes through, from witnessing gruesome murder scenes, and getting groped by Gina, he still keeps a chipper and charming demeanor.
- Gerald Fitzgerald - The token black guy of the squad and second-newest member, behind Kevin. Gerald Fitzgerald or "Fitz", as he's mostly known, used to work at another police station in Chicago, where he went through an unexplored and devoid-of-detail traumatic experience, which gave him PTSD.
- Stanley Hopson - A confused and senile old man, who should have retired years ago, but didn't because his job can't afford to give him his pension. He currently works as a good-for-nothing, expendable, old fart, who constantly blurts out stories of his homoerotic behavior in the past.
Paradise PD currently consists of 10 episodes, spanning 1 season.
See: List of Episodes.