The Father, The Son, and The Post-It Note

The Father, The Son, and The Post-It Note
	Season 2, Episode 5, Overall 15
	Written by Rocky Russo and Jeremy Sosenko
	Directed by Lauren Andrews
	First Aired: March 6, 2020
	List of Episodes
Previous; Who Ate Wally's Waffles?	Next; Flip the Vote

The Father, The Son, and The Post-It Note is the fifth episode of season two of Paradise PD. It is the fifteenth episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

Randall and Clappers butt heads over who can solve the Houndstooth Meth case first. Meanwhile, Thester accidentally put $100 million in a storage unit which gets transferred by the unit owner to a Catholic Church. The priest refuses to give back the money and his army of nuns easily repels Fitz and his gang from retrieving it. Meanwhile, Bullet adopts Hopson as his new dog.

Plot[]

Crime is at an all time high in Paradise, with tons of people getting busted for their involvement with the houndstooth meth corporation. There's so many criminals getting taken into Paradise P.D., that they've run out of handcuffs and now have to use plastic six-pack ring holders from Sunkist sodas. Dusty helps to make these holders availible by drinking all of the sodas, which gives him diabetes so bad, that he goes blind and loses his arms. Bullet confiscates houndstooth meth from a group of perps and injests them through a blood pack full of meth and alcohol. Gina comes in, wearing a bunch of fancy golden jewelry. Bullet is curious where she acquired such bling from and Gina says that some of the people she arrested owned storage units at U Store It-Some and she was able to buy out their units and get all the free shit inside. Hopson buys some invisibiity pills from a con artist he arrests and sneaks into Kevin's shower to stare at his cock. Having run out of room in the holding cells, Dusty needs to throw a bunch of criminals into a giant cage and fit them in like he's playing Tetris. When Randall sees just how overcrowded the police department is with all of these houndstooth meth salespeople, he gets real pissed about the FBI's slowness to take care of their corporation, especially since it was them who took the case away from them in the first place.

Agent Clappers stands before an audience an announces that today is a very big day at the FBI, as his long-time fellow agent and dear friend, Agent Dunfore, is going to retire from the FBI in 8 hours, after a 50-year-run as an FBI all-star. Agent Dunfore comes up to the podium and announces how it's been an honor to work for the FBI and he wouldn't take back a single second of the time he's spent with all of the wonderful people he's come to know over the years but alas, his time has come to retire with his lovely wife Beatrice and live out the rest of their days in Jacksonville, Florida. He says that he's glad that no matter what, at no point during these next 8 hours, leading up to his retirement, will anything bad, tragic, or fatal happen to his whatsoever. Randall sits in the audience, watching this and predicts that Agent Dunfore is fucked. He then climbs up on stage and calls out Clappers for his incompetence on the houndstooth meth case. Agent Clappers threatens to take Randall's badge for speaking at a press conference without a podium, so Randall has Dusty come up and blow up an inflatable podium that he bought at Party City. There, Randall tells Clappers that he's doing a shit job on this houndstooth meth case and brings up the overwhelming cluster of methies he's had to put up with recently. Agent Clappers assures Randall that the FBI has things under control and he should stay out of their business. He refuses to disclose any more information as this is strictly classified. Clappers also tells Randall that he thinks somebody fucked him in the ass chin and got his neck pregnant, explaining his unsightly chin cleft and flabby neck rolls. Randall has Dusty blow up an inflatable electric guitar for him, so he can play it as he exits dramatically, flipping Agent Clappers off and telling him to go fuck himself.

Gerald Fitzgerald calls together a big meeting with The Legion of Dooooom, congratulating them all for their exceptional work in selling houndstooth meth recently. Because of their performances, he's willing to pay them all handsomely ... in Troll Dolls. Everybody just kind of accepts the troll dolls, including Jerry, who eats his troll doll. Fitz gets annoyed with Jerry and asks Frank why he has to bring his ugly-ass son with him to work everyday. Frank says that he doesn't have much of a choice, since Jerry's nanny went missing. Jerry then vomits up his nanny, Mary Poppins, who flies away on her magical umbrella, ridden with disgust and fear. All seems to be going great for Fitz, until Thester comes up to tell him some not-so-perfect news about a tiny sliver of a problem. They lost all of the money that was going toward funding Operation: D.D.. Fitz asks just how the hell something like this came to pass and Thester says that he locked the money in a stoage unit at U Store It-Some and failed to pay the rent on the storage unit because all of the money he owned was locked in said storage unit. Fitz rants at Thester for his stupidity and tells him that if he wanted a dull-witted neanderthalic r***** to handle his finances, he would have just hired Ron Perlman. Ron Perlman is shown in his mansion, watching this episode on his TV and he gets offended by this joke. Ron Perlman chisels an angry letter into a slab of stone and sends it to Netflix to complain about how Paradise PD compared him to a caveman.

At the U Store It-Some storage units, Bullet goes down to get himself some free stuff left behind by the criminals. However, Miss Geraldine is also there to get something for herself. Storage unit worker, Brian has only two storage units left for them to claim; a vandalized one covered in grafiti and a completely clean, untouched one. Bullet calls dibs on the clean one and teases Miss Geraldine for being so slow on the uptake. Miss Geraldine just goes with the vandalized one and Brian opens it for her, telling her that she owns everything inside. The storage unit is full of all the money that one went to The Legion of Dooooom, making Miss Geraldine an instant millionaire. Bullet's jaw drops at all the money he missed out on but still thinks positively about what's in store for him. Brian opens Bullet's storage unit and inside, all that's waiting for him is an ass-naked Stanley Hopson, sitting on a crate. Apparently, Hopson lives here now, ever since he got kicked out of his nursing home for breastfeeding off of one of the nurses.

Kevin comes out of Die Alone Comics with a fresh new comic book, when Agent Clappers pulls up to him and demands he get in. Agent Clappers drive Kevin down the road and explains to him his father's behavior and how he doesn't approve of him. Clappers tries to get Kevin to take his side and agree that Randall is a bad cop but Kevin refuses to accept that his father is bad at his job. Agent Clappers takes out a file of information on Randall's alternate persona, Summer Sausage and tells him about all the gross and reprehensible things he's done, while moonlighting as a male stripper. Suddenly, Kevin notices Agent Dunfore walking in the crosswalk right in front of them and Agent Clappers slams on the breaks just short of hitting him. Agent Dunfore counts his blessings that he wasn't hit, especially since his wife is braindead and he's the only one who can take care of her for now. If he were to die, she would be devoured by crows. Agent Dunfore marches off, proud of himself for surviving and condifent he'll live for the next 6 hours until retirement. Kevin notes that this guy is definitely fucked.

Now having ownership of Hopson, Bullet brings him home and keeps him as a pet. Hopson finds Bullet's pad to be outstanding and claims he's never been in a home this fancy since he was Bob Barker's personal gimp. Ron Perlman laughs at his joke, still watching it on TV but Bullet tells Hopson that his joke was even more low-brow than Ron Perlman's sense of humor, which just pisses Perlman off.

Kevin comes into the police station to see that the arrested convicts are rioting and fighting with the cops. Kevin alerts Randall about this but he's too busy torturing Robby to try and get him to cough up some answers about the houndstooth meth corporation. However, he doesn't know what these medieval torture methods are really supposed to be, having just skimmed the Google source on them. He "waterboards" Robby by giving him some water and then smacking him with a wooden board. He also puts him in "the rack" by forcing him to motorboat his manboobs. Delbert is shown outside, being trapped in an "iron maiden", which is literally just him being in the heavy metal band, Iron Maiden.

To help move along the houndstooth meth case, Randall and Dusty break into the FBI after hours to dig up the evidence on the case, themselves. Dusty goes in dressed like a slutty cat, believing it to be important to his mission. They sneak into Agent Clappers' office but Dusty makes a bunch of noise, knocking things over and lighting things on fire, which gets the attention of nightguard, Agent Mund. Randall demands Dusty cover their tracks and fast, so Dusty takes out another one of his Party City inflatables and blows up an inflatable doll of Agent Clappers and puts it at his desk, while he and Randall hide. Agent Mund comes in and is convinced that Agent Clappers is really there and leaves. Randall then rummages through Clappers' stuff to find something on the case and finally stumbles across a post-it note, leading him to a certain address. Just then, they hear the sounds of Agent Clappers himself coming into the room, so they duo escape through the window just before Clappers comes in. When he sees the inflatable doll of himself, Clappers is initially fooled into thinking that he interrupted himself as work before realizing that not only does Agent Clappers never work this late but he's also Agent Clappers so something doesn't add up around here. Meanwhile, outside, Randall and Dusty had crash landed onto the ground and crushed Agent Dunfore. Miraculously, Agent Dunfore survived without a scratch on him, with only 4 hours and 23 minutes until his retirment. Dusty assumes that Dunfore will be perfectly okay but then says that he's only joking and he's certain Dunfore is fucked, like the bad little kitty he is.

Fitz and Thester go to Miss Geraldine's House to get their money back. Fitz plans to just break into her house, knock the white bitch out, and steal her money but Thester has a more comically relieving idea. Thester goes in disguise as a Nigerian Prince to trick her. When Miss Geraldine answers the door, Thester tells her that his assets are frozen and that he needs her to donate her money to him so that he can return it all to her in bigger portions later. Miss Geraldine tells him that unfortunately for him, she already donated all of her newly inherited money to the Catholic Church.

The following day at the FBI, Agent Clappers takes Kevin into his building and shows him the ruins of his ransacked workplace, with all of the other agents, working tirelessly to clean everything up. Clappers knows for a fact that Randall was the one who broke into the building but all he needs is some evidence. Clappers has Kevin wear a wire and plans to have him spy on Randall and get his confession on tape.

The Legion of Dooooom goes down to the Catholic Church to get their money back but the Catholic Priest refuses to give up a single cent of his money to them because he's gunna blow his whole wad on a stained-glass window of his puckering asshole so that they can all kiss it. The Legion of Dooooom takes out their weapons and prepares to beat the shit out of the priest but the priest takes out his thurible and swings it around like a medieval flail, ready to take on whatever The Legion of Dooooom has to throw at him but he's not alone, as he has an entire nunnery to back him up. Frank doesn't see any reason to worry, believing the nuns to be easy to knock down but he's kicked violently in the face by one of the nuns, who brings him to the ground in a second. The Russian Mobster is next to get thumped in the face by a Bible. Thester is drunked in the baptism pool. Pedro is thwapped with a chancla. Puffy the Cigarette is lit on fire by a religious torch and get smoked like the blunt he is. Lastly, Fitz is clobbered across the face by the priest's censer and the entire team eats it bad. The Catholic priest kicks the entire Legion of Dooooom out of his church and demands they stay out, unless they want another ass-whooping.

Bullet comes home, drunk on Jack Daniels and tells the rioting drug dealers to squit their griping. After all, they don't have to put up with Hopson all day, like he does. When he comes home, he's greeted with a terrible surprise. The entire room is covered in Hopson's shit, from the bed, to the couch, to the floor, to the fucking toaster. On top of that, Hopson sits naked on his bed, licking his own privates like a dog and then rubbing his poopy ass all over the white fabric. Sick of all of Hopson's shit, Bullet ties him to a leash and locks him to the dresser, so that he can pass out, blackout drunk in peace. Meanwhile, outside of the doghouse, a prisoner throws a molotov cocktail at the house and lights it on fire. Bullet is too drunk to notice, so Hopson drags him out, himself to bring him to safety. When Bullet awakens, he realizes his life has just been saved by the greasy old geezer in his house and he suddenly becomes more grateful of him.

Bullet and Hopson have a wonderful little montage together, where they play fetch with dildos and snort coke through newspapers and get along just okay, just like a dog and his pet human being should. Dusty sings a song in his slutty cat costume from before and Hopson chases after him, barking like a dog and scaring Dusty up a tree. Bullet finds himself amused with how these humans are acting like animals and compliments the writers for their funny joke.

Randall follows the post-it note address to the Dippin' Dots Factory, where inside, The Legion of Dooooom sits back at their planning table, beaten black and blue, dripping with blood, and bandaged up bad, with Fitz reflecting on how terribly things went down for them back at the church. Thester suggests an entirely new plan, which can be done with the help of Frank and Jerry. As Frank suggests, they can dress Jerry up like an altar boy so that he can seduce the priest, while they steal his money but Fitz doesn't like that idea at all, claiming that Jerry is not molestable and not worthy of being on the team. Frank argues that Jerry's ass is so tight that no priest could resist him but Fitz stands his ground, claiming that he's the one who calls the shots because he's the kingpin. Just as he says this, Randall comes in, and hears this. He doesn't know what to believe, when he hears Fitz claim to be the kingpin of the houndstooth meth organization but Fitz thinks up a lie, saying that "The Kingpin" is just his nickname is a bowling team that he and the guys have created. Randall believes this lie until he sees that the Russian Mobster is wearing a shirt that says "Fuck Bowling" and then draws to the conclusion that Fitz is the one behind the houndstooth meth case. Out of options, Fitz orders The Legion of Dooooom to open fire on Randall and kill him. The Legion of Dooooom shoots at Randall, while he jumps out the window to escape, landing safely on Dusty, who breaks his fall. Randall runs off to spread the word about the true identity of the kingpin, just as Dusty's body is crushed once again by Ron Perlman, driving by in his caveman car, declaring his revenge on the show for mocking him.

Bullet takes Hopson down to the City of Paradise Dog Park, where he plays with all the other dogs there. Anton, who's also the dog owner of a fancy poodle expresses disgust for Bullet's dog and thinks he has no place at the dog park. Bullet shows Anton that Hopson is a wonderful dog and proves it by having him balance a double-ended dildo on his nose but Anton is still not convinced. Anton says that he'll be entering his prized poodle into a dog show and Bullet enters Hopson into the same dog show just to show him up.

At the dog show, all of the dog owners have their fancy dogs walk through the stage in style. Bullet then comes out with Hopson, who he has dressed up to be butt-naked, wearing nothing but a diamond-encrusted dog collar, and his hair and eyebrows dyed electric pink. Naturally, all of the judges are deeply disgusted and this gets Bullet and Hopson disqualified very quickly and also arrested by Gina. As Gina drives them back, she scolds them for their public indecency and complains about how now she has to put them both on the sex offender list. Hopson tells Gina that he's already on the sex offender list so all she needs to do is check a box.

Fitz weighs his options and ponders just how The Legion of Dooooom will be able to regain their funding. Pat Robertson chimes in and says that he called down Jesus Christ to help him with the task. There's no way the priest will refuse giving money to Jesus himself, so they'll have to go along with it. Jesus tells Pat that the only reason he's doing this is so that Pat will quit being such a homphobic asshole but Pat claims that he's not homophobic, since he always jerks off to pictures of him. Jesus is reasonably put off by this remark and Pat Robertson just stumbles over his words and blushes with schoolgirl love in the presence of Christ. Frank asks for Jesus' autograph and Jesis gladly gives him one, only for Frank to be disappointed, since he thought he was talking to Jared Leto.

At Laousi Apartments, Kevin does his laundry and talks dirty to his tube sock before remembering that he's on the wire. Just then, Randall busts in to tell Kevin that he found out who the kingpin is. As Randall explains, he broke into the FBI to undercover some evidence, which led him to this discovery but before Randall can tell Kevin who the kingpin is, the FBI breaks in and arrests Randall, now having his word on tape that he broke into their facility and stealing evidence from their houndstooth meth case. Randall feels betrayed to know that Kevin turned on him and recorded him and shames his son as the FBI takes him away. Kevin leaves the room after him, vehemently apologizing. Agent Dunfore is left behind in the room and spots the stolen post-it note left on the ground. As he bends over to pick it up, a meteor comes crashing through and just barely misses him. Agent Dunfore stands in shock, thanking his lucky stars that he bent over slightly to pick up that post-it note, otherwise he would have been decapitated by that meteor for sure and with only 1 hour, 18 minutes, and 23 seconds until retirement. After Agent Dunfore leaves, an alien comes out of the space rock and announces in his alien language, that he's positive that Agent Dunfore guy is fucked.

While he burns some of his money for fun, the Catholic priest is visited once again by The Legion of Dooooom and readies himself to kick their asses once again before Jesus Christ comes in, making him drop to his knees and grovel before him. Jesus politely asks for him to return the money to The Legion of Dooooom but the priest refuses once again and tells Jesus to climb up on the crucifix and pogo his scrawny asshole out of there. Jesus is just bewildered that a faithful high priest of Cathocism would talk down to him like this, especially since he's literally fucking Jesus but as the priest explains, Mickey Mouse is Mickey Mouse but he doesn't call the shots around Disney World. Just then, his nunnery ring circles around and beats everybody (including Jesus) to bloody pulps once again and throws their brawn bodies out of there. Jerry, however, vomits up all of the money, having apparently swallowed all of the stolen money while the priest was distracted and gotten it back. Fitz thanks Jerry heartily and apologizes for wanting him kicked out. Fitz kisses Jerry all up as thanks and Frank teases Fitz that he thought Jerry wasn't molestable.

Agent Dunfore drives off in the Eagle 5 with Beatrice as he prepares his leave for Jacksonville, Florida. Agenrt Dunfore looks at the address on the post-it note and notices that it directs him straight to the abandoned Dippin' Dots factory he's passing by. Agent Dunfore sees that he still has technically 13 minutes before retirement and decides to go in and make one final arrest before retiring for good. In fact, he's so confident that everything's gunna go right for him, that he's not even gunna waste any time putting on his bulletproof vest. Agent Dunfore goes into the building and sees Fitz there and tells him to put his hands up. Fitz pulls a machine gun on him but misses every shot. Agent Dunfore thanks his guardian angel for working overtime and finally handcuffs Fitz, placing him under arrest. Agent Dunfore prides himself on making the biggest arrest of his career and counts down the seconds to his retirment. Just before he counts down the final second, he gets pistoled in the head and his brains splatter out all over the walls. Agent Dunfore was apparently shot dead by ... Agent Clappers. Agent Clappers is revealed to be a double-agent working in cahoots with Fitz. Fitz thanks Clappers for snuffing out Dunfore and also for putting Crawford in jail before he could spill the beans and then laughs meniachally over his villainous endeavors. Agent Clappers joins in and laughs like a stupid sheep, sounding even more ridiculous than Thester.

Agent Clappers goes down tot he Eagle 5 to break the horrible news to Beatrice, that her husband, Agent Dunfore, was killed in the line of duty, a mere 0.7 seconds before retirement. After Clappers leaves, the braindead Beatrice starts talking and thanks Christ that her stupid husband died. She's happy that now she no longer has to go to Jacksonville with her dumb husband and can finally die just like she always wanted. Just then some crows flock in and prepare to eat her, just like she always wanted.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Songs[]

Hopson Was His Name-O

Trivia[]

Agent Clappers has never cried even once in his life.
Dusty gets diabetes and loses his arm.
Hopson expresses some sexual attraction toward Kevin in a cutaway gag, when he sneaks into the shower and looks at his cock.
The fourth wall is broken multiple times, when Ron Pearlman watches the show and gets mad at all the jokes made at his expense.
- Additionally, Bullet breaks the fourth wall to compliment the writers of the show for their gag of having Hopson act like a dog and chase Dusty (who was dressed as a cat) up a tree.
Hopson says that he got kicked out of Heaven's Lobby Nursing Home for sucking on a nurse's titties, making for another rare hint that Hopson is bi.
It's revealed that under his jacket, the Russian Mobster wears a shirt that says "FUCK BOWLING!"
Randall discovers that Fitz is the kingpin of the houndstooth meth organization.
Pat Robertson is in love with Jesus Christ.
Legion of Dooooom reward chart (bottom to top):
- Temporary Tattoo
- Gumball
- Troll Doll
- Super Soaker
- Tamagotchi
- Pizza Party
Karen Crawford doesn't appear in this episode.

Continuity[]

Ever since confiscating all of Randall's kingpin evidence in "Big Ball Energy", Agent Clappers has done absolutely nothing to stop him.
As of this episode, the profits from Houndstooth Meth sales have made it to $100,000,000.
Agent Clappers brings up how Randall arrested an innocent man in "Christmas in Paradise" as well as how he worked as a stripper named Summer Sausage, as revealed in the same episode.
The A.A.A. Sponsor from "Ass on the Line" is one of the judges at the dog show.
Jesus Christ from "Police Academy" returns.

Cultural References[]

The title of this episode is a reference to the holy trinity of Christianity, otherwise known in prayer as "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit".
Dusty eats a Ring Pop.
Dusty plays human Tetris with the criminals.
Dusty buys balloons from Party City.
Fitz says that Operation DD is going to be a bigger disaster than Pearl Harbor. At first, it's believed that he was mentioning the Japanese attack on America in World War II, but he later makes it clear he was actually referring to the 2001 movie of the same name, starring Ben Affleck.
Fitz pays The Legion of Dooooom in Troll Dolls.
Jerry barfs up Mary Poppins.
Agent Dunfore plans on going to Outback Steakhouse to get a Blooming Onion.
Hopson used to be the personal gimp of Bob Barker.
Gina kills a criminal, Moral Kombat style.
Delbert is tortured by being forced to join the band, Iron Maiden.
Thester pretends to be a Nigerian prince and Miss Geraldine tells him that she's seen in Emails. This is a reference to the 419 scam, wherein a scammer would send a bunch of emails to people, claiming to be a Nigerian prince who needs money, promising to return it to them in bigger portions, only for him to take the money and keep it.
Thester exclaimed "Wakanda forever" and did the arms-crossed salute of Wakanda. This is a reference to the movie, Black Panther.
Agent Clappers says that The Wire is the best show on television. This is a joke on how he is voiced by Lance Reddick, who played the role of Cedric Daniels on the show. He admits that the show isn't as good as Bones but urges Kevin to at least watch the show up until "Season 2, Episode 12" ("Port in a Storm") because in that episode, Lt. Daniels gets shirtless.

The billboard outside of the Catholic Church reads "Ezek. 23:20". This references the bible passage, Ezekiel 23:20. The bible quote associated with this passage reads as follows: "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled."
Bullet does blow with Scrappy Doo from the Scooby Doo franchise.
Dusty's song, "Hopson Was His Name-O" is a parody on the song, Bingo Was His Name-O.
The post-it note reveals that the Dippin' Dots Factory is on 143 Governale Street. This name is a reference to a running gag from The Howard Stern Show, wherein Sal Governale's wife cheated on him with a man, who she'd text and end their messages with "143", which is a common pager number that translates to "I love you", as every number represents the amount of letters in each word of the sentence.
Thester tells Randall that Woody Johnson from Brickleberry called and that he wants his voice back. This is a reference to the fact that Randall and Woody are both voiced by the same voice actor, Tom Kenny.
Frank Flipperfist mistakes Jesus Christ for Jared Leto.
The Catholic Priest says that Mickey Mouse doesn't call the shots at Disney World.
Bullet has dog-ified posters on his wall of such movies as A Clockwork Orange and Reservoir Dogs.
Agent Dunfore drives an Eagle 5, which was the vehicle used for transportation by the main cast of the Star Wars parody movie, Spaceballs. In the movie, the Eagle 5 looks exactly like a regular 1986 Winnebago Chieftain, but it actually doubles as a flying spacecraft. It is unknown if Dunfore's Eagle 5 possesses such abilities.
Aside from Troll Dolls, some of the things listed on the Legion of Dooooom reward chart include children's toys such as the Super Soaker and a Tomagotchi.

Gallery[]

See: The Father, The Son, and The Post-It Note/Gallery

The Father, The Son, and The Post-It Note
Season 2, Episode 5, Overall 15

Written by Rocky Russo and Jeremy Sosenko
Directed by Lauren Andrews
First Aired: March 6, 2020
List of Episodes
Previous Who Ate Wally's Waffles?	Next Flip the Vote