Tucker Shawn McNear Carlson is a conservative Republican FOX News commentator, who spreads a bunch of fake news, to try and scare people. Although Kevin doesn't agree with him, Randall and Karen are big fans, who love watching his news reports. He first appeared in "Parent Trap". He is voiced by Tom Kenny.
Biography[]
In "Parent Trap", Tucker Carlson used his platform on FOX News to spread lies. He struck fear in the citizens of Paradise, by saying that there's a bunch of evil gypsies going around town and causing trouble and even blamed the gypsies for his penis being extremely tiny and inverted like the button on a couch cushion.
In "Christmas in Paradise", Hopson sold mobile gloryholes in all sizes, including giant gloryholes for black people, medium for white people, and puny for Tucker Carlson.
In "Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k", Tucker Carlson serves a major role, spreading news about an evil feminist terrorist organization called Gal-Qaeda. Although this seemed like another one of his bullshit stories, it would later turn out that Gal-Qaeda actually existed. However, they were secretly just a bunch of anti-feminist women who worked for FOX News and were working for Tucker.
Tucker revealed that his plan was to spread tons of fake news so that when he announced that Gal-Qaeda was planning to dissolve the dicks of every male in Paradise, by putting methylamine in the hot wing sauce at Hooters, nobody would believe him. Secretly, he wanted all of the men in Paradise to lose their dicks so that he could have the biggest dick in town. Tucker Carlson would later rip his clothes and wig off, revealing that he, himself was actually a giant dick. Shortly after this, he was thrown into the vat of dick-dissolving acid, which killed him.
Despite his death in his previous appearance, Tucker Carlson returned in "PARAD-ISIS", as one of the members of ISIS, declaring war on Paradise PD for making fun of him on the show.
In "Sack to the Future", in an alternate timeline where Kevin never shot Randall in the balls, Tucker Carlson's name was shown on a billboard about Time Magazine, where he proclaimed Gerald Fitzgerald "Man on the Year", when he married The Dolphin Queen. This proved that in this timeline, Tucker Carlson was still alive.
Appearance[]
Tucker Carlson is a Caucasian adult man with short but wavy auburn hair, which is actually just a toupee. He wears a navy blue suit and matching pants, black shoes, a baby blue long-sleeved undershirt, and an orange bowtie with burgundy polka dots. He has an extremely tiny inverted penis that sinks into his body like the tufted button depression on a couch cushion.
In "Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k", it was revealed that Tucker Carlson is literally a giant, anthropomorphic, human penis. Under his toupee is a meatus-shaped chrome dome. Down his body is a bunch of little hairs and lavender, pelpatating veins. His feet are massively inflated dark-tan testicles with a bunch of veins and hairs on them and a bunch of little wiggly toes. This Wiki will not display any pictures of this. If you wanna see what he looks like as a giant dick, just watch the episode on Netflix.
Personality[]
Tucker Carlson is an obnocious, irritable, mudflinging shithole, responsible for spreading absurd lies on FOX News that are all so transparently false, yet are still believed by tens of thousands of Republicans all across The States, which only fuels his ego into telling more of these complete lies. Tucker Carlson's ego (and ratings) feed off of the irrational paranoia of the masses and he makes sure to scare his viewers with fearmongering news reports on big scary boogeymen like apocalyptic Gypsies, zombie raccoons, nympho pandas, Kanye West, and feminist Islamists, most of which, Tucker, himself, knows are completely bogus.
Tucker Carlson is a sad, self-loathing, beta male, who is very insecure about his concaved micropenis and he takes out his anger on women and minorities, blaming females and Roma for his tiny dick. When he gets mad, he spits his sexist propaganda on public television so that every already oppressed minority group in the world can know just how much he hates them.
Episode Appearances[]
- Parent Trap
- Christmas in Paradise (Mentioned)
- Tucker Carlson is a Huge D**k
- PARAD-ISIS (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Sack to the Future (Name Written)
Trivia[]
- Several real-life news reports by Tucker Carlson have been called to attention in the show, via fourth wall jokes that encourage the audience to Google the weird shit he's said on FOX News.
- Tucker Carlson claiming that Gypsy immigrants are planning to take over the world by defecating in the woods and beheading chickens. [1]
- Tucker Carlson calaiming that raccoons in Ohio are coming back from the dead as zombies and attacking people. [2]
- Tucker Carlson propogating that panda bears are sex-crazed killing machines. [3]
- Tucker Carlson believing that delusional, Kardashian-fucking rapper, Kanye West has some genuinely interesting things to say. [4]